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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Doldroms

I had every intention of writing about my trip but I am just trying to get life totally squared away. I feel guilty when I sit down to blog when things aren’t all in order yet. Not to mention how ridiculously tired I’ve been. I don’t think my body has recovered from the drive.

Then, today, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It all started with Lil Gbear waking up way too early. However, I think HB could tell I needed a break so he kindly got up with the babe and let me sleep. I fell into such a deep sleep with such a vivid dream only to be awoken at a highly emotional moment. I actually had tears in my eyes when I woke up. For some odd reason, I could not shake the sadness. In my dream, it was caused by seeing my friend who passed away while HB was deployed. She walked up to me and gave me the biggest hug and words of reassurance. Her hugs were the best {and trust me, I’m not much of a hugger, but for her hugs I made an exception}

It took me most of the day to shake the sadness. I couldn’t believe how a dream could have so much power over me even in my waking moments. Finally I was able to feel mostly myself again and just appreciate that even if it was just a dream, for a moment I got to experience one of her wonderful hugs.

I think my sadness was simply compounded by my loss of routine. I like routine. It may get boring now and again, but right now I still feel like I’m just  visiting. I can’t wait til I begin to feel home. I applied to a bunch more jobs tonight too, because I think that with a sense of purpose I will begin to be more content.

Since my friend was always one to seize the day and revel in it's greatness, I'll leave you on a happy note, with one of her favorite sayings.


5 comments:

Just a Girl said...

Aw I'm sorry. I hope you're able to get into a routine soon, and that you have a better day tomorrow!

Lou said...

girl im so sorry that you had such a emotional dream, im glad you got to have the hug though. Hope things start to look more routinely for you.

Steph said...

Awwww... sorry you had the sad dream. Dreams like that are a reminder that she is still with you and giving you hugs. Hope you have a great day!

An Irish Italian Blessing said...

Awww..it's crazy how intense dreams can feel. Maybe you saw her so you can remember to sieze the day like she would. And hang in there mama, everything will get back into place soon enough, this stuff takes time.

LesleyRH said...

Not having a routine completely throws you and messes with your emotions. Its quite amazing. I'm going through the same thing right now.

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