Thursday, December 30, 2010

Finding My Place at the Holidays

Let me start this post by saying, I LOVE my husbands family. His mom even jokes that if anything ever happened between us, she wants me in the divorce. Also, my family isn't really that into the holidays anymore. We used to always do a huge family gathering at my Grandma's. My parents, brother and I would fly up every year and meet up with the rest of the family. Presents and food galore. But then my aunt died and the gatherings got smaller. And now, my grandma is no longer with us, so there's no real tradition to Christmas anymore (I don't even think my mom put up a tree this year) So it was exciting that I was going to get my big family Christmas this year with HB's family.

For the most part, it was wonderful. There ended up being a little drama between my mom and I, but we resolved it, after all, it is the holidays. And my MIL goes all out when decorating. I hope to have as many awesome decorations one day as she does. Everything was just how I like it, family, food, good times. And yet, when I had moments of quiet amidst the holiday hustle and bustle, I couldn't help feeling a little left out. I mean, this was a family, they had their memories, and I was the newest addition. It's amazing how just a little inkling of loneliness can turn into jealousy.

I'm embarrassed to admit, I was jealous of my BIL. Ridiculous, I know. I mean, I love that my HB is so close with his brother and I think his brother is awesome, but then the annual card games began. A team game, that I didn't know. So HB paired with his brother, and their cousin with her fiance, and I was left with no one. I think it bothered me even more because the night before, when the family friends came over, it was HB and his brother, and HB's best friend and wife as partners. Again, I was left to just sit and watch. I know realistically, no one intended for me to feel left out, but I did. And I know it's outrageous to feel this way, but I couldn't help myself.

Looking back I feel like such a whiny baby and for next year, I'll learn that card game and find myself a partner! Who knows, maybe by then the BIL will have a special someone I can claim for my partner ;)


hmb said...

those stockings are SO CUTE!

Nike Athena said...

I think that's part of being new to a family. I have similar feelings when we visit my in-laws, especially since we only see each other once a year. The other married ins were part of their lives before marrying, so not only am I the newest member, I'm also the one with the least history. As the family grows I think we'll find our place in the family. It just might require some extravertedness (something I struggle with). ;-)

Lou said...


Anonymous said...

Its good that you are looking on the bright side of next year :) I would probably just be a sad sally about it.

Unknown said...

Yes, it was the year of the sock monkey, my MIL got a bunch for Gbear, including the Reindeer one (which I totally want for myself haha)

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