Friend of my Soul

"The anam cara was a person to whom you could reveal the hidden intimacies of your life. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. When you had an anam cara, your friendship cut across all convention and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the friend of your soul."
~John O'Donahue, Anam Cara


I've had many friendships that haven't lasted. Without placing any blame {on me or them} they just weren't meant to be. Perhaps the timing was wrong; perhaps we were just too different. Jeeze, it sounds like I'm describing ex boyfriends! In spite of all of the friendships I have seen pass by, there are those that stick around. There are friendships in our lives that make us more complete.


In this crazy life of moving all around, there are special people that make you feel home no matter where you are. I am better for having these friendships in my life. I had been planning for ages to get a new tattoo, but I had never settled on what. That is until the day my bestie told me she wanted to get one with me. First we were just planning simple knots- in fact the circular knots we chose represent friendship- however, I wanted some sort of phrase, something extra.That's when I remembered Anam Cara and I knew it was perfect. Even if you haven't found that person in your life, the concept of people that make you better and more complete is one that makes me happy. {It's a great read if you need something uplifting!}


Bestie chose to stick with just the knot, but that just goes to show that we are alike, but it's our differences that make our friendship so strong. No matter where we are in the world, our bond is fierce. The amazing thing about Anam Cara is you are not restricted to one. There are different types of friends {and lovers} and it is those amazing people that make us whole.

Do you have any tattoos? Why did you choose them?

Toxic Friends: A Rather Epic Rant

Alright, I have had some major blogger’s block, but I’m going to work through it! However, the first thing that comes to mind is ranting, so if you don’t want to hear negative, ranty {slightly bitchy} thoughts, this is not the day to read my blog. Just saying.
The subject I want to rant about is one that has been touched upon by many a blogger, but I think that is because all of us can relate. Fair weather friends. Or more specifically, friends who are only in friendships for what they can get out of it. Let me clarify, I believe that friendships should definitely offer benefits to all parties, but if you are only friends with someone because they are a) rich, b) famous or c) convenient, well that is not a good friendship.
I have been in many of these friendships and am still “friends” with some of these ladies {or at least face book tells me I am} However, how can you really be friends with someone who keeps a tally of your friendship. Yes, friendships are give and take, but that doesn’t mean you should keep score.
You should not dump a friendship just because they acquired something you want. That is just petty and the epitome of jealousy. One of my very best friends {or so I thought} simultaneously helped plan a surprise engagement party {wonderful} and in the very next moment told me, semi joking {but I would later learn the depth of her jealousy} that she was angry that I was getting engaged before her. After all “You’ve only known him 6 months, C and I have been together 6 years”.
Nice. Real nice. I should note also that she has cheated on her boyfriend {well, now ex, but she still hopes they’ll reconcile} more times than I have fingers. She would usually claim they were taking some time apart, but really she just would cheat and not tell him, but this post was not supposed to be just about her lol.
Another “good friend” of mine used me as her private chaffeur, therapist etc. I won’t deny that she was there for me in some moments when I thought my world was crumbling, but she then held that over me. She decided she owned me and could boss me around. When I finally learned to stand up for myself and not allow her to walk all over me, she claimed I was a bad friend.
Sorry. I had to grow up one day.
Honestly, she would still be walking all over me to this very day if it wasn’t for HB. He put up with her obnoxious, demanding behavior like a champ, but he also helped me to see that I was better than that. I didn’t need a “friend” who put a leash on me. Essentially, I was in an mentally abusive friendship relationship. I won’t hash it all out, but anyone that makes you feel inferior and dictates how you live your life is not really your friend. Even if they hold your hair back when you’re vomiting lol. {I should also note, she had a prescription drug problem she would never own up to}
While I am still very bitter about the way these relationships devolved {clearly}, I wouldn’t trade them. They taught me valuable lessons about the world. My only regret is that I allowed my “toxic” friendships to push away others, but I’m learning true friends can forgive transgressions {and I’m happy to say I am building some of those friendships back up}
And since I ranted, let's end it on a happy note ;)

Building Myself Back Up

Let no man pull you low enough to hate him. ~ MLK Jr.

Someone posted this on Facebook today, in honor of Martin Luther King Day. It really got me to thinking about some of my friendships that have gone by the wayside and how they are still bringing me down.

I have been blessed with some amazing friendships over the years. Friends that are there for you when you need them (and even when you don’t haha) However, I also found that in my constant need to be liked by everyone, I made some friendship choices that weren’t the best for me.

I allowed myself to get swept up into friendships where I wasn’t valued for me. Kind of a use me then leave me situation. It’s funny, because I would never let a man treat me that way, but I allowed girls to treat me like their property. What’s worse, the friendships I formed made me a more judgmental, petty, self conscious individual. I won’t pretend I’ve always been brimming with self confidence, but I allowed these friendships to transform me into someone I’m not proud of.

I have since regained my self worth. I realized I didn't need their friendships to make me a better person; in fact, being friends with them was dragging me down.  I made the conscious decision to put me first and regain the individual I used to be. One who didn't judge people based on designer labels and didn't believe the only way to have fun was to drink and party.  This  caused these friends to turn on me and spread rumors and lies.

However, I cannot act completely innocent. I allowed them to bring me down. I allowed them to make me hateful. I’m hoping in the future I can work harder to let no {wo}man bring me down low. I need to quit dwelling on the friendships lost, because in reality I am a better me without them.  I need to move on. Rise above. *Love is all you need*