Answers

As a mom, I've found that my instincts are usually good. I began noticing small things that worried me about little man before he was even a year old, but I tried to brush them off as first time mom worries. My mom told me I was being paranoid, his pediatrician said not to worry. Until one day she kindly said, let's just see. After all, it couldn't hurt.

That became my litany through extra appointments, speech classes, and finally an insistence on a referral to a pediatric neurologist. We could cover all our bases and be sure we were doing everything Gbear needed.  It couldn't hurt, right? 

I still was convincing myself that I was just being over-reactive all the way up until the moment the neurologist calmly {but not unkindly} told me, there is definitely something wrong with your child's brain. And now, after a month of waiting for the MRI, followed by two weeks of waiting for the results, we have an answer.

It's one the neuro prepared us for, but is there ever really a way to prepare to hear that your child's brain didn't form the way it is supposed to? That, your wonderful, funny, goofy two year old faces obstacles you could never have dreamed of? Is there a way to prepare to acknowledge that your child has cerebral palsy and struggles you never could have foreseen? Quite honestly, I'm still not prepared. I'll be going about my day and it will hit me like a ton of bricks. We don't know what the future holds for him and what he will and won't be capable of. Luckily {is it really lucky?} his case is mild, but given it's cause, we won't know what it means until he grows. For now, we meet with more doctors and start much more intensive speech therapy and add occupational therapy to the mix. 

God only gives us what we can handle, right? 

Photo: Emily Burger Designs {etsy}

Anxious

Today is a big day in our household. For almost a year, Gbear has been in speech therapy. After awhile we began to question if there was more that we could be doing. I've talked a little about Gbear and his communication issues here , but to play a little catch up, at 2 and a half, Gbear still doesn't talk. Well, not in any words that any normal person can understand.

At the beginning of July, we took the little man for a consultation with a neurologist, who didn't beat around the bush. There is definitely something up in the little man's brain. Trust me when I tell you, hearing that there is something wrong with your child's brain, well that can make anybody a little stressed, emotional, you name it. The day HB came back from training, Gbear had an MRI, for which, because of his age, he had to be sedated. {cue mini mama freak out} Ever since we met with the Dr, I've been on a little emotional roller coaster. Today is the day when we finally meet with the Dr to discuss the results of the MRI and find out what comes next.

Even though the doctor narrowed it down to two different possibilities, my stomach is in knots with dread. My mama guilt is in full force. And so, I sit here blogging. Finding a little solace in typing these words out and not letting them stew any longer in my brain. If over thinking were an Olympic Sport, I would have won gold. Regardless of what we learn today, I'm still so blessed to be this little man's mama. He will always be perfect in my eyes!

What we have here is a failure to communicate..

Every once in awhile, when you have a toddler {or kid of any age for that matter} there are days that test you. From the moment the munchkin wakes up, right until you take that first sip of wine in peace after he's gone to sleep. No matter how much you love your child, there are days like these. Recently, we've had a few more of these days than usually, because, frankly, lil Gbear is down right frustrated. Why? He's frustrated because he has a speech delay. He is a super intelligent little boy, who knows what he wants and gets very upset when momma can't understand his gestures.

Around the time we were moving, I started to think, Gee, Gbear really isn't talking, but I chalked it up to me being paranoid mom and decided to just give it more time. In this internet driven day, it's very easy to find yourself comparing your child to hundreds of other kids expecting them to grow in the same way, but let's face it, they don't!  Fast forward a couple months and the pediatrician remarks that it's kind of unusual to have a child older than 18 months that doesn't at least have a few words in his vocabulary. She recommended that we look into the Early On program and at least get him evaluated. I figured, maybe I'm just overreacting, but I'd rather take the time to find out early then let this drag out and beat myself up about not taking it seriously.

Something the lady who was my initial contact with the program said really stuck with me, "Don't worry, but don't wait" I was encouraged that they didn't think I was some crazed over protective mom who spends far too much time consulting Dr. Google. A simple evaluation {which was free} could tell me if I was being paranoid or if my instinctual worry was legitimate. Did I mention it was free? How could I not. In less than a week, we had set up the initial appointment followed by the evaluation. My gut was right, Gbear does have a slight delay. Sometimes I hate to acknowledge it, because people can be so judgmental and it labels my son as different, but it's difficult to ignore when kids half his size bully him because he can't talk. He is just as intelligent as any other child, he just needs a little help setting those words free.

Gbear has been going once a week to speech classes, which in a lot of ways for a kid his age is structured play time, but with a purpose. I have been learning ways to reinforce what he learns in classes in our daily life. While he still hasn't gotten over the hump and started talking, I have noticed a definite difference in our ability to communicate as a whole. One of these days I'm sure I'll be talking about how I can't get him to be quiet! I can be sure of one thing, while Gbear may not be able to say "Momma, I love you" yet, he has his own way of letting me know he loves me even if he has a temper tantrum first ;-)