Thursday, April 14, 2011

Toxic Friends: A Rather Epic Rant

Alright, I have had some major blogger’s block, but I’m going to work through it! However, the first thing that comes to mind is ranting, so if you don’t want to hear negative, ranty {slightly bitchy} thoughts, this is not the day to read my blog. Just saying.
The subject I want to rant about is one that has been touched upon by many a blogger, but I think that is because all of us can relate. Fair weather friends. Or more specifically, friends who are only in friendships for what they can get out of it. Let me clarify, I believe that friendships should definitely offer benefits to all parties, but if you are only friends with someone because they are a) rich, b) famous or c) convenient, well that is not a good friendship.
I have been in many of these friendships and am still “friends” with some of these ladies {or at least face book tells me I am} However, how can you really be friends with someone who keeps a tally of your friendship. Yes, friendships are give and take, but that doesn’t mean you should keep score.
You should not dump a friendship just because they acquired something you want. That is just petty and the epitome of jealousy. One of my very best friends {or so I thought} simultaneously helped plan a surprise engagement party {wonderful} and in the very next moment told me, semi joking {but I would later learn the depth of her jealousy} that she was angry that I was getting engaged before her. After all “You’ve only known him 6 months, C and I have been together 6 years”.
Nice. Real nice. I should note also that she has cheated on her boyfriend {well, now ex, but she still hopes they’ll reconcile} more times than I have fingers. She would usually claim they were taking some time apart, but really she just would cheat and not tell him, but this post was not supposed to be just about her lol.
Another “good friend” of mine used me as her private chaffeur, therapist etc. I won’t deny that she was there for me in some moments when I thought my world was crumbling, but she then held that over me. She decided she owned me and could boss me around. When I finally learned to stand up for myself and not allow her to walk all over me, she claimed I was a bad friend.
Sorry. I had to grow up one day.
Honestly, she would still be walking all over me to this very day if it wasn’t for HB. He put up with her obnoxious, demanding behavior like a champ, but he also helped me to see that I was better than that. I didn’t need a “friend” who put a leash on me. Essentially, I was in an mentally abusive friendship relationship. I won’t hash it all out, but anyone that makes you feel inferior and dictates how you live your life is not really your friend. Even if they hold your hair back when you’re vomiting lol. {I should also note, she had a prescription drug problem she would never own up to}
While I am still very bitter about the way these relationships devolved {clearly}, I wouldn’t trade them. They taught me valuable lessons about the world. My only regret is that I allowed my “toxic” friendships to push away others, but I’m learning true friends can forgive transgressions {and I’m happy to say I am building some of those friendships back up}
And since I ranted, let's end it on a happy note ;)


Shelly said...

I can relate to this post. It's sad to admit, but the reason I have such few friends is true friends seem hard to find. I've just recently learned not to put up with the fake friends who bring drama to your life and can be passive aggressive. I had a very bad experience with some friends in college, but because of them (and their meanness) my husband and my relationship grew stronger during college. So I know what you mean about appreciating it for what it was.
I'm glad you've been able to build back some of your relationships with good friends.

Anonymous said...

You need a better quality of friends dear! You need awesome friends who love and appreciate you. I relate because I have had my share of crappy friends and I know when it comes down to it I only have 2 people I can really call on if and when I need them. P.S. I love your new blogger look.

I'll Love You Forever said...

Those "friends" do not sound like great ones. Im glad youve been building some friendships!! That pictures sure put a smile on my face, adorable! Have a great weekend!

Michelle said...

I love slightly bitchy rants, bring it! I keep my circle of friends very small (because I'm so hard to get along with), but I have run into a toxic friend. One that I would bend over backwards for then she left me high and not so dry less then 2 weeks after OccDoc deployed - when I really needed a friend. Yeah, and I agree with Ashley, love the new look!

Steph said...

Well isn't he the happiest little guy.

I can totally understand where you are coming from. In real life, I pretty much have two friends that I 100% without a doubt trust and that get me. The rest of everyone else, I am cordial to but I don't offer too much information. But then again, I'm pretty much a loner and somewhat bitter.

Julie said...

Great rant. About the engagement thing...I had a "friend" say that same sort of thing to my mom! Before B-man proposed, she told my MOM that I better not get engaged before she does because she's been with her boyfriend longer than I have without any breaks in between. I was like...really? Women are crazy jealous sometimes.

I like the new look!

Melissa said...

Ugh I think plenty of us have had those toxic relationships, I know I have had a few and actually had to cut back on a friendship here because she was just so crazy.
I mean I'm sure people may think I'm a little nuts, I mean who isn't but I can't take people like that.

Jillian said...

I can't take friends like that either, and that' why I've been avoiding this mil wife who keeps texting me. I know she's just lonely, but I'm not responsible for her loneliness. We don't have anything in common, she brags about how her husband is better than my guy, she probably doesn't even like me that much, and yet she wants to hang out constantly. Don't understand.

That was my own little rant haha. I'm still bitter about a few past friendships, but I'm trying to move on. That's just the way life works!

Emily Roe said...

Thanks for posting this- it takes great courage to talk about an emotional subject! I too am dealing with "toxic" people in my life. I hope your situation makes you a strong person. Hope all is well. Emily

Jennifer said...

I can really relate to this. I've recently kind of dumped a toxic friend because she was a lot like your "friend" was. Also, I love the new layout!

Lou said...

ughh i can relate in so many ways glad your getting to the real friendships. love the picture of ur cutie!!also love the new layout!!1

Gris said...

"Friends" I have no "friends"

They stopped talking to me, the day My Fiance and I decided to move in together.

Lil GBear, so cute!

L.A.C.E. said...

Hear! Hear!

Anonymous said...

Amen!! Love the pic :)

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